Friday, June 27, 2008

Farewell speech

Today the ladies at the office gave a farewell party for a colleague. It so happens the said colleague was a teacher of mine during secondary school. I have known her since I was 14. As one or the organisers for the event I took it upon myself to be the emcee. When I started to think of the opening speech tears began to well up. And that was even before I tapped the keyboard!
I called a friend halfway through the speech draft; help!! I am an emotional wreck!! I was sobbing away reminiscing our time together. Get a grip, my friend said. You need to be strong.
I have always been a confident speaker and emcee for any occasion. People call me because of my voice. But today, as i greet the attendees it broke... after the first paragraph, i broke down but i kept on till the end. and what did the celebrated colleague do... put on her sunglasses to hide her tears. And cursed me in her speech for wrecking her emotions as well.
I reached out to the friends gathered just now with my speech. They felt the same too. At the end of my speech, the air was charged with emotions.
man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and farewell. This was reflected in the faces of ppl who were there today.

Monday, June 23, 2008


It's Monday... As always when I wake up on Monday mornings I try to come up with excuses not to go to work. Nope... didn't work this morning. Forced myself up and after the first splash on the face, I got into automatic gear. Flashes of calendar entries go through my mind. Oh yes, need to do that , call them, organize that and so on...

And now while waiting for the time to go to a meeting I declare the week has progressed into the 3rd gear; and it's only 9.00am.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

For my other half..

I thank you for the support you have given me (sometimes grudgingly). I thank you for the advices (sometimes unwanted). -wink- I thank you for the lovely children (for always).

Let these words say it all...

We've all got our own funny moods
I've got mine, (Wo)man you've got yours too
Just trust in me like I trust in you
As long as we've been together it should be
so easy to do..
(If You Don't Know Me By Now)

Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you
Just to have you now
All I need is the air that I breathe yes to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe you're all I want
(The Air The I Breathe)

To us and the years to come....


Small flame
under the roof
of a mouth.
You devour
You cleanse
You tell honey
from vinegar.
You speak truth.
You speak slander.
You soothe
with a kiss.
You bruise
with a word.

To the possessed
you are the gift
of enlightenment.
To the dispossessed
you are the scale
of judgement.

Small flame
under the roof
of a mouth.

Tyranny knows
your hiding place.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Rest In Peace, dear Brother

There were two of us and now there is only one. My brother and I had the typical sibling rivalry thingy growing up. The sad thing is we never grew out of it. As a result, we were never close and never made the effort to be. We took pride in the fact that we could only stand each other for short periods of time and fought for longer.

Too many issues unresolved. Too many regrets. Too many words unsaid. Too many, many, many.... When I hear my children bickering I choke up. Reminds me too much of arwah and I. And I tell them to appreciate each other before it's too late. So far it's not getting through their thick skulls but what do they know? It's almost 2 months since he's passed on and I am still looking for closure. For peace... for a sign that all is well between us. I remember saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." over and over as though hoping he'd get up and say..."It's ok..It's ok.."

Go in peace my brother... May God bless you.


Last week two old classmates invited me for dinner. It was after much persuasion that I agreed. During dinner - which was scrumptious- they lamented on my non appearance at the 30th annivesary reunion gathering of our class recently. Well, since dinner was being paid for and I was basking in the after effects of oysters, sushi, lamb shank and all the desserts you can think of, I finally let out the secret to my absence from all the previous reunions..

I have not healed from the wounds of adolescent injuries. What? They exclaimed.... Move on; forgive and forget, put the past behind and all that stuff. Look at us guys, we have no issues with each other. We still play futsal every Friday night. What is it about you girls? You carry old wounds like it's still fresh!

Hey! I said.. Everyone's entitled to their feelings. I don't think it's petty to hold grudges against those who almost destroyed my formative years!! No, I was not one of the popular girls, I was not sought after by the guys to be their special girlfriend, pet sister or eye candy. No, I was not ostracised. Yes, I had friends. But teenage angst and all that crap....

Oh... too much information!! They said. Why is it that girls always complicate things?? Those years in boarding school were supposed to be fun. We had no responsibilities other than to study. Look at where we are now. We made it!! He's the CEO of so and so, She's made her first million, she's a Datin, he's the first Malaysian to this and that, etc, etc. Yup, and I am a miserable civil servant. Er.... okkkkk....

Oh, whatever... for all intent and purposes, I am happy with my life. I have moved on. I have meaningful relationships with wonderful people who will be with me during my times of need. So what's wrong if I don't need my friends from 30 years ago. Will it make my life less meaningful? I don't think so. Still... can't help wondering what if I had been one of the eye candy; will I have made my first million by now?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Mid life crisis

Turning 40 was no big deal a few years ago. Turning 43 became an issue. It's only two mre years to 45 and then 5 more years to 50. Suddenly aches and pains began to appear. All in the old age spots... The knees, back and arms. Doesn't help when my best friend is 48 and decides that she needs new make up tricks, new and sexier clothes and aid to increase libido.... Well, I caught the bug and have signed up for a RM1,300 worth of skin rejuvenation package.
The plus side of it all, people have begun to comment on how much better I look compared to when I was in my 30's!! And how much older my 35 year old husband looks! Hehehe.... But the aches and pains are not imaginary after all...

Father's Day

Oh dear, I did it again... I forgot to wish Dad Happy Father's Day!! Not that I make a practice to wish him every year but things have changed lately and Mum n Dad have become ultra sensitive. What with my one and only brother passing away unexpectedly and me being the only child left. Gosh, that's hard to digest. Nonetheless, things have changed and will continue to evolve.