Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Of Regrets and Reprisals...

Sigh.....I am stupidity incarnate..... I am a woman who gives in to wills and emotions and ends up with her foot in her mouth. In my arrogance, I failed to consider the feelings of others, in my rashness I failed to realise that I may be wrong. In my conceit, I have hurt people who are the closest to me. This is the folly of letting the heart speak before the mind. This is the result of the separation of emotion and intellect.
I fear I have gone a bit too far in dealing with a delicate matter which could have been handled differently. Had I taken a step back and calmed myself down or talked myself down I would not be in this predicament. Yesterday I was all for shaking up the world, highlighting faults and weaknesses of others. I was strong, the voice to be reckoned with, the authority of everything, pointing fingers at those offenders. Listen to me for I have you wrapped around my fingers; I am and I be.
Today, the wind has gone out of my sails, the sea is calm and when I look back at the aftermath of the storm, I shudder at the damage I have caused. It is too late to apologise, too late to undo the hurt, too late to sew up the wounds. I will now sit and await the reprisals of my actions. I may have made enemies of people I love most. And one in the making. I might not make it out of this quandary I created for myself. Such is the pomposity of this woman.....
Not going to make excuses that what I did was for the best. Perhaps to a certain extent. I initiated it and was fueled when one party acquised to my rantings. But when I was challenged by the other party, it was like a time bomb exploding. What I had kept to myself came out full force. Words spewing out like lava; molten hot. Gleefully I engaged myself in a portentous dialogue. After all, who is she to question me: the expert of life; second to none. There I go again, on my pedestal preaching to all; I am the sage, the guru, the pundit.
STOP! Lest I write myself into having more grandiose ideas about rights and wrongs, I will sit and ponder and prepare for Nemesis. For having been visited by her sister Eris last night, Nemesis will follow soon after.
Goodbye for now, I will make my way to that internal recesses to reflect upon my actions....

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